“Antonia, I know that I caused you a world of pain. I never expected for life to turn out the way it the way it has. I really hope that when you hear what happened you will understand why I let you go. Why I let you walk away from me and didn’t chase you until now.” He spoke with a pain that I had known. Kyle had been the reason my life had been turned upside down and why I made a lot of the choices in life that will live to haunt me forever. I tucked my feet up underneath me and took in his words. Would I really be able to forgive and move on? It didn’t look like it from this point of view but I agreed to hear him out and hopefully we would be able to walk away from this negative experience and live the life we both wanted to. I just knew it couldn’t be together, no matter how much he seemed desperate to fix things.
* * * *
The next few hours were touch and go for me. I was in and out of consciousness so I really didn’t remember that Kyle had come home less than five minutes after the shooting to find myself and Nick unconscious on the floor. There were moments when I was awake to see the lights of the hospital, the operating theater and doctors screaming things back and forth to each other.
“We need to get this baby out NOW!” One of them screamed.
“She’s loosing too much blood” Another yelled.
“We’re losing them...” That was the last thing I heard before I saw Kyle’s pain stricken face.
Nick had escaped with a bullet wound and was released within a day. As for me I was stuck in intensive care for almost a week, I was barely conscious for any of it. I did remember Kyle being by my side whenever I did come around but I never spoke with him. It was like the whole world stopped for me. When I finally did wake Kyle was asleep across the bed, holding my hand.
“Kyle” I said with a dry mouth and sounded like a frog. He sat bolt up right as soon as I squeezed his hand.
“Antonia!, We need a doctor in here NOW. She’s awake” he screamed, looking out over his shoulder. Within seconds there were nurses and doctors surrounding me. I couldn’t understand where I was or what the day was but the moment I looked down and saw my flat stomach I felt a wave of terror run through me.
“Where’s my baby!” I screamed. It took two nurses to hold me down and Kyle was thrown back against the wall as they tried to restrain me. I knew in that moment that I had lost the baby. It was the first time I had seen a full grown man cry as Kyle hung his head in shame. As the nurses injected me with something I began to feel at ease. My mind was in a rage as I fought with myself to continue speaking. As I felt myself slip into the dark abyss I saw Nick and I could see he was hurting.
The next morning when I woke, Kyle was no where to be seen. Nick was sitting by my bed as I turned my head in search of him.
“Miss. Reid?” He said calmly as he stood and limped towards me.
“She’s gone isn’t she?” I said feeling the prickles of tears building up in my eyes.
“Let me get a doctor for you” he whispered. I grabbed his hand and yanked him back towards me.
“Please Nick. I just need to know from someone I trust. She’s gone isn’t she?” I cried.
“Yes Miss. I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you” he said, hanging his head in shame. I wasn’t angry with him. I was mourning the loss of my child and furious as to how it had happened.
“Who did this?” I demanded.
“We are trying to find out, I promise you we will get them” He responded confidently.
“Make them pay Nick. Make them pay for the life of my daughter.” I said with tear stained cheeks.
“I promise. I will spend my life hunting them down and making them pay.” He promised.
“Where is Kyle?” I asked in between fits of tears.
“He has gone home, there is a hoard of reporters outside. I told him I would let him know when you were awake. Do you want me to get him?” He asked still holding my hand.
“No. When can I leave?”
“I will have to check with the doctor.” I didn’t want him to leave but I wanted to get out of here. So I let him go.
Two days later I was released and taken out the back door. I still didn’t manage to escape the reporters but luckily there weren’t as many as there were out the front. I hadn’t seen Kyle in three days and couldn’t understand where he was. We had messaged back and forth but there was something different about him. He was cold, it was almost like he blamed me for the loss of our child and I couldn’t make sense of why it had happened. When Nick took me home I had a hard time walking inside. I broke down in tears the moment I saw the room it had all happened was completely refurbished but there were no traces of the child Kyle and I were so excited to see. The room had been turned into a study and it was almost as if it was a dream. I slept for a week and there was no trace of Kyle. Security had been amped up and I was on 24 hour watch. I never left the house and refused to read anything that the media reported. It was hot topic and my phone wouldn’t stop ringing. One night, two weeks after I arrived home Kyle returned. I was asleep but well aware of his presence in the room. I turned on the bedside lamp and looked at how ragged his appearance was.
“Where have you been?” I asked, half asleep.
“I’m sorry Antonia...” I cut him off.
“No Kyle, I don’t want your excuses. I want to know where you have been!. I have been here mourning the loss of our child. You missed the funeral and left me here, in a prison you call a house to deal with this situation on my own.” I screamed.
“Antonia, please...” I jumped out of bed. Still sore from the stitches I had received from emergency surgery and punched him. He stood there and allowed it all to play out.
“Where the FUCK were you! I needed you in that moment...you promised!” I cried. Another bout of tears wracked my body as I finally allowed to let it all out.
“I’m sorry Antonia, I can’t say it enough. I am trying to find the person responsible. I promise...” I flew into a rage
“Don’t you dare fucking say it. Don’t you fucking dare. How could you make any more promises when you couldn’t keep the most important one. You promised we would be okay and here I am dealing with all this on my own. Get the fuck out Kyle. Leave and don’t come back.” He looked at me, he was destroyed but just stood there.
“Fine, if you won’t leave I will!” I grabbed my phone and my bag but he didn’t try to stop me. I ran down the hall way and fell into Nick’s arms.
“Miss. Reid?” He said, wrapping his arms around me to steady me.
“Get me out of here Nick. I really can’t do this.” He didn’t argue. He grabbed his keys and helped me into the car before we sped off. I heard his phone ringing non-stop before he answered it.
“Hello Sir.” It was Kyle.
“Yes Sir...Of Course” I knew what Kyle was saying but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. I was over it. He needed to get out of my life and I never wanted to see him again.
“Where would you like to go Miss. Reid?” I had no where to go, No idea where I was headed and no thoughts to my future.
“Tash’s” I responded. It was the only place I could think to go.
When we arrived Tash took me inside and allowed me to cry as I told her everything that had happened. I changed into a pair of sweats she had leant me before we got to talking.
“Antonia, He has been trying to find out. I know he has. He told me this would happen, that you would come to me and asked me to take care of you. He is worried. He would never let anything hurt you again” I looked at her. She was on his side. In an off rush of calmness I stood up and walked out.
“Antonia?” She called after me
“Where are you going?” I walked outside the apartment and Nick followed closely. I climbed into the back of the car. Nick climbed into the driver seat.
“Where would you like to go Miss. Reid?” He was calm. He knew me too well and I really didn’t feel like talking.
“Nick, before we go anywhere I need to know that you will keep my whereabouts to yourself. I need you to not tell Kyle and I want radio silence. Can you do that for me?” I looked in the rear view mirror at his face. He didn’t give anything away.
“Miss. I will, if you let me come with you. I need to make sure you are safe.” I had to trust him. He was my only lifeline.
“Do you have our passports in the car still?” I asked, Kyle had ensured they were always with Nick in the event that we wanted to go somewhere spur of the moment.
“Yes Miss”
“Then we’re going to the international airport.” I responded.
“Okay” I could hear the hesitation in his voice but I knew I could lose him if he did tell Kyle. I needed to get away and the only way to do it was by leaving the country. The only plan I had was to head far enough away from everything that I could heal. When I was ready to deal with everything I would return, but until then I needed to get away.
We arrived at the airport undetected by any paps and as we boarded the plane I knew that things were about to change. If Kyle could disappear...so could I!
* * * *
I waited with bated breath for him to begin. I kept staring at the clock willing the hours to pass by but time seemed to be at a stand still.
“Antonia, After you left I found out what had happened and who it had been. I ordered Nick to keep you safe until I knew that you would be able to come back without any worries. I never heard from either of you after that. I was scared but knew you needed time. After six months of no word I knew I had lost you forever. I travelled the globe but couldn’t find you. I caught up with Nick at one point but he swore to me he didn’t know where you were. I knew he was looking after you but I resigned myself to the fact that you didn’t want to be found. So I let it go. I knew one day again I would get my chance to explain but as the years went on that chance seemed to have escaped me...until now.” As he spoke I felt myself breaking. He seemed to have been tortured by my disappearing act but I wasn’t about to feel sorry for him. I had hurt as much as he had. I didn’t know that he had tried to find me and Nick had never told me about his little meeting but I knew he always did what was right for me. He was on my side but I wish I had known this little piece of information.
“Kyle, it was too late. You pushed me away. I was alone and had no idea what was going on” I spat. I felt bad the moment it escaped my mouth but I didn’t feel bad about speaking from the heart.
“I know. I shouldn’t have done that but I needed to put distance between us. Whoever had hurt you was after me. You know about my past and as much as I tried to shield you from my life before. I couldn’t and I will never forgive myself for breaking that promise to protect you, and our daughter.” The moment he said it, I flew into a rage.
“You didn’t! So why am I sitting here now talking about the worst time of my life” I responded.
“Because Antonia, I know who it was...” He was furious.
“Who?” I asked, gulping. I wanted to know but I didn’t at the same time.
“Antonia, It was...my father.” He hung his head in shame. I gasped. Knowing all too well about Barret Elias. He was a tyrant and had ruined anything he could to cause his son pain. The pieces of the puzzle fell into place at that moment and I wanted to kill him.
“He’s been taken care of Antonia.” He whispered almost as though he had read my mind.
“How?, When?” I demanded.
“Rivals. A month after you left. That’s why I came after you. I wanted to make it right” I knew it pained him to keep talking about my leaving but I hadn’t just left him. I had left my entire life behind. Everything I had ever known. I rubbed my temples and thought about everything as it settled in. Kyle’s own father killed his granddaughter and ruined his sons life...exactly as he had promised he would. I didn’t know what to feel about anything at that point in time.
“What do you want from me now Kyle?” I asked.
“I want the chance to make things right. I can see how much this has affected your life. You don’t need to be doing this...this isn’t you. You aren’t a call girl. I want to fix things and I still want you.” The words felt like a punch in the stomach. I knew I couldn’t take him back but I couldn’t hold the past against him any longer.
“I forgive you Kyle. I know everything but it doesn’t change anything, too much time has passed. We aren’t in the same place anymore, I’m not the same person anymore. This is my life” I responded calmly.
“I don’t believe you’re happy. Please just give me the chance to show you that things may have changed, i’ve changed too but my love for you hasn’t changed at all. I want to show you that we are meant to be together. Give me 24 hours and like I said, If you never want to see me again...I will leave you alone” I contemplated his words, knowing that too much had happened and I would never be able to pick up where we left off but he hit the nail on the head...I wasn’t happy and in a moment of weakness...I agreed.
“Okay” I said almost inaudibly.
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